Have you ever felt unlovable? Have you ever found yourself wanting to pull the covers over your head and hide out for a few days; maybe even a whole season?
It amazes me how both pride and insecurities can exist simultaneously within a heart, but somehow they can. Oftentimes our insecurities hide behind the facade of pride. We don’t like our insecurities and so we attempt to hide them behind a more confident version of ourselves. This pride serves us well – until it doesn’t. Eventually the facade will shatter and we will be left exposed and vulnerable.
Our shattered pride then taunts us:
you failure – you thought you were something great, but look at you. How could anyone think you are great now?
Our insecurities confirm the charges pride makes:
no matter how hard you try to hide me, I will always be here. You cannot get away from me. You might as well not even try.
The war between our pride and our insecurities leaves us battle weary, scarred, and feeling far from lovable. We long for comfort and love, but so often we feel as if we don’t deserve it.
While I expect most adults to identify with this very scenario I battle often, I did not expect a 10 year old girl to understand such feelings. I was leading a Bible study for 4th and 5th grade girls, we were talking about the love of God. I asked the question: Are there times you think that God cannot love you, like maybe you’ve messed up too much for Him to love you?
That was when she spoke up; this one who had not said a word up to this point. She was sitting by herself, her head had been down the entire time, but the moment the question left my mouth, her head popped up and she said, “only everyday of my life.”
She looked at me with a mix of pain and longing in her eyes. She seemed desperate for me to continue, as if she had been waiting the past 10 years for someone to ask her that question.
I could see her pain, her fear, her longing, but by God’s grace I also saw something else.
I saw this girl, not as the quiet new girl. Not as one with messy hair. Not as the loner of the group. Instead I saw her as the precious, treasured, beloved and pursued child created by God Almighty. She was formed in her mother’s womb. She was born for a purpose. And she is loved by Love itself. God doesn’t care about her messy hair. He isn’t bothered by her aloofness. She cannot be too much of a mess for Him. He sees none of that. He sees one of His creations in need of the unfathomable love of her Savior.
Oh to be able to allow her to see herself as God sees her! We talked about how God sees us. We talked about Zephaniah 3:17 and how God rejoices over us with singing. We talked about Jesus covering His children with His own righteousness. We talked about the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery. God began to paint a picture; a beautiful glorious picture of love for his children.
Yet as I spoke to this girl, who hung on every word of truth as if holding to a lifeline, I couldn’t help but think how desperate we all are, not only to hear these words but to fully embrace the truth of God’s love. I am convinced that if we could see even a glimpse of how much the Father loves us, we would be changed forever.
My precious friend, you can never be too much of a mess for God. He loves you with a love that is deeper than you will ever comprehend this side of eternity. His love for you does not change with your circumstances. When you feel lovable, He loves you. When you feel like a mess, He loves you just the same.
God can handle your mess. In fact, He can not only handle your mess, He can bring beauty and goodness from it. You cannot scare God off. You cannot run out His reserve of love and forgiveness.
God is Love. It is who He is. And one day we will all stand before Love itself. Those who have trusted Jesus to free them from sin will be escorted into Heaven by Love. You will gaze into the face of Love. You will hold the hand of Love. You will be eternally embraced by Love.
Ask God to let His love wash over you today. He loves you. If your hair is a mess, if your house looks like a contender for the hoarders show, if your kids are making unwise choices, if you fought with your spouse, if you slept through your quiet time again, if you are feeling sick – He loves you through it all. His love never ends and it never gives up.
Go look in a mirror and say, “God loves me.” Believe those words and say them often. It is truth.