Some say it’s an introverted thing. Others say it’s a female thing. I’m starting to think it’s just a human thing:
The running commentary in my head:
“I can’t believe I actually said that!”
“How stupid do they think I am now?”
“What did they mean by that comment earlier?”
“Is she staring at me? Do I look hideous?”
“Are they going to think this blog post is awful?”
The never ending second guessing as I lay in bed at night:
“Shoot, what if they took what I said wrong? Did I communicate clearly?”
“Am I the world’s worst parent? Am I totally messing up my kids?”
“Who is responsible for therapy bills for adult children? If I break them should pay to fix them???”
“Why was my husband so quiet tonight? Did he hate dinner? Maybe I can’t cook anymore!”
“Will our house ever look like something other than the before picture in a renovation show?”
“Did I come across too self-absorbed in my blog post?”
Sometimes I get so tired of hearing my own thoughts. I seriously wish I had a self-mute button! I was starting to think this was just me. That maybe I am the only one who deals with this problem, but it turns out others have a ticker-tape like commentary running at the bottom of their minds too!
Sometimes these thoughts and commentaries are simply harmless annoying replays of how we wish we could have said or done something. But other times they are more dangerous. Sometimes they leave doubts; cause us to question God’s purpose, His authority, His love….
Satan knows our “achilles heel” and our thoughts are usually one of them.
Don’t you find it interesting that his first attack on Eve was to create doubt in her mind? “Did God really say not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?” (Genesis 3:1) All it took to bring down all of mankind was a simple seed of doubt placed in Eve’s mind. Eve traded God’s best for her doubts.
My doubts are always there, but thankfully so is God. Can you imagine what might have happened if Eve would have called out to God at that moment: “Daddy! Help me! This creepy thing is trying to get me to doubt you. I need you.” Oh what a different world this would be. How God must have longed for her to do just that, and how He would have delighted in coming to her aid.
I don’t want my doubts to cost me God’s best for me. I don’t want to be ruled by what I think others think of me. I want to be ruled and consumed with Jesus and what He thinks of me.
What God thinks of me (and all His children):
I am valuable (made in His very image) – Genesis 1:27
I am wonderfully and purposefully made – Psalm 139:14
I am His child – 1 John 3:2
I am free from the chains of sin – Romans 8:2
I am forgiven – 1 John 1:9
I am securely held in His hand – John 10:29
I am part of His family – 1 Peter 2:9
I am never alone; the Holy Spirit is always with me – John 14:17
I am being transformed to better reflect His image – 2 Corinthians 3:18
I am awaiting my future and hope in heaven – Revelation 21:3-4
I am a child of the light – Ephesians 5:8
I am treasured – Titus 2:14
I am loved – John 3:16
Oh how I long to replace the self-doubt running commentary with Holy Spirit running commentary. How amazing it would be to let myself be consumed with what Jesus thinks of me instead of what I think others think. How freeing it would be to call out to my Abba Father for help when facing the arrows of doubt.
The awesome thing with replacing self-doubts with Spirit-filled truth is that it’s not meant to inflate our ego. Telling myself I’m worth it, I’m good enough, I can do anything I set my mind to, is setting me up for two things:
1) An enormous ego
2) Depression when I can’t do it
However, allowing the Holy Spirit to tell me: “You are loved by your Creator, bought by the blood of His Son, and empowered by the Holy Spirit to do what He calls you to do,” allows me to see myself as I truly am: a dependent child of the King- loved, treasured and empowered to do the work He sets before me.
After all it’s not about me – it’s all about Him….if only I could fully grasp that!
How could our lives be different if we allowed the Holy Spirit to mute our self-doubt and turn up the volume on God’s thoughts about us!
ps – I’m off to ask God to stop the doubts about this post and replace them with His truth! Baby steps right! 😉