Lessons from Spandex?

Sometimes God uses His Word to open our eyes to a truth He wants us to see. Other times He may use trials or circumstances to grow and teach us. Occasionally He may use another person to help us understand His will. But did you ever think He could use a spandex undergarment to reveal truth??? (Um…not me! But that is exactly what happened to me today!)

I found myself in need of a beige colored cami (a tank-top with thin straps) to go under some shirts to make them more appropriate to wear in public 😉  So I went into Kohls after dropping my daughter off at dance class. The store had just opened and I was only one of a handful of customers. I went straight back to the “intimates” section where I found not only a basic beige color cami, but also various other underthings which promised everything from tummy taming to hip slimming and silhouette enhancing.

Wow! Why would I buy a basic ol’ cami when I could get the equivalent of a year in the gym from some strategically placed spandex??? I took one of each brand and skipped to the dressing room. I could hardly wait to see my enhanced silhouette smiling back at me. I may never have to work out again!

I took the miracle device off the tiny hanger and began to put it on. It was a little tight. And by tight I mean it was like trying to put a watermelon into a deflated balloon! But I persevered. I mean this was for a good cause right? My silhouette needed this.

Now, somewhere in the back of my brain (the logical, annoying part) came a warning, “If it’s this hard to put on, it’s gonna be hard to get off.”

“But it’s for my silhouette!” I scolded that annoying logical part.

I shimmied. I grunted. I tugged. Success!!! The torture device garment was on!

It was hard to see my silhouette from the lack of oxygen I was able to take in. Was the room spinning a little? Weird….

My vision cleared and I looked in the mirror. Um….hmmm…not quite what I expected. Let’s just say that when you shove body parts into tight material, the excess has to go somewhere and that can get a little awkward. And let’s not forget that I COULDN’T BREATHE!!!

My hopes of an enhanced silhouette were dying, but wait! I still had tummy taming and hip slimming options to go. Maybe this one was just a dud. I’ll just try another one. Good plan.

But wait. How is this rubber band shirt thing going to come off?????

I started to pull it up. It got stuck. I tried rolling it. Made it two inches higher. I got it just below my shoulders. Arms wrapped around my back, hands now trapped under the superglue like fabric. I now have no use of my arms and my head is beat red from having to bend over at a 90 degree angle. This is not good!

Panic starts to set in. How am I going to get this off??? Maybe I can call my husband. Oh wait! My arms are trapped. I can’t dial his number and even if I could, how would I begin to explain this problem? I try to pull free. My shoulder painfully protests. Great, now I’m going to pull my shoulder out of the socket. There’s a 9-1-1 call! “Um, yes, I’m in the ladies dressing room at Kohls. I’m trapped in some spandex and just dislocated my arm. Send help!”

Oh good grief! I briefly entertain calling out for help. But I just can’t go there. I just can’t. Lord only knows who would answer my distress call!!

So, I sit down (still bent over at 90 degrees) and I pray. Yep, I ask Jesus to help me get out of a Spandex torture device, which I am now convinced was made by the devil himself.

I breathe deeply. And then slowly ease my fingers out, then my hands. Then I pray some more and the wretched thing begins to move ever so slightly up. With a war cry, which may or may not have sounded like the last cry in labor, I was free from my chains!!!!

Hair disheveled, face beat red, fingernail marks on my back—it was not the silhouette I was going for, but I was free! I glance at the other choices and decide that the annoying logical part of my brain might just know what she’s talking about.

So where’s the lesson? What could I possibly have learned about God in all of that?

Well….

  1. When you hear that gentle quiet (and yes, sometimes annoying) voice warning you about doing something, for all that is holy….LISTEN!!!! It may be that God is trying to keep you from some serious painful consequences.
  2. God answers prayer—even desperate prayers prayed in dressing rooms while stuck in spandex!
  3. Sometimes the plain ol’ boring way is the better way to go!

And just for the record, my plain ol’ basic beige cami is working just fine 😉

Grateful for the glimpses,

Jen 😉

When God says no

4 Replies to “Lessons from Spandex?”

  1. Oh Jen I laughed so loudly that my husband followed my laugh to the other side of the house. He was wondering what was making me laugh so hysterically! I handed him my cell phone and said “read this!!! Well, he is now laughing and trying to say “I REMEMBER HELPING YOU OUT OF ONE OF THESE THINGS IN BURDINES YEARS AGO!!! So I think these spandex things should have a warning tag attached…May Never Come Off!!! Thanks for the laughter. Love you, Suzie

    Liked by 1 person

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