My fear started off as a warm blanket wrapped securely around my shoulders—protecting me from an ever growing list of potential dangers:
Germs.
Public speaking.
Sharks.
Sharing my writing with others.
My kids playing outside.
Cold coffee.
Driving on the highway.
Roaches.
Submitting a book proposal.
Talking to a publisher.
Doing a facebook live video.
The list was endless. And my blanket was getting tighter—feeling more like a binding cloak wrapped tightly against my body. My arms, once free to embrace a new challenge, now dug into my side. My lungs, which once belted out praises, sang lullabies, and roared with laughter, now felt tight—constricted. Suddenly, I wanted the cloak off, and yet it wouldn’t budge.
I was tightly bound—powerless against it’s constricting weight.
No longer could I run free toward new adventures.
No longer could I embrace those around me.
No longer could I rest in the moment.
No….my cloak of fear was too tight. Too heavy. Too strong.
“Oh God!” I cried out to the only One stronger than this crippling fear. “Please take this cloak away. Rip it off. Slice it open. I can’t breathe!”
Yet in spite of my heartfelt prayer, the cloak did not fall off. Nor did it rip in two from top to bottom.
But…I did feel the a slightest weakening of the oppressive garment—my lungs expanding for a brief moment. My shoulder twitching with the unexpected freedom. The cloak, of course, was still there. Still wrapped tightly around me. But it was loosened—enough.
Enough for me to invite others to lean on my newly freed shoulder.
Enough for my lungs to whisper a prayer of thanks.
Enough for my heart to beat wildly with the awareness of the One who truly is stronger than my fear.
Over time, my cloak has become less and less constricting. Eventually, my arms became free enough to embrace the new adventure God had been calling me toward.
And yet, that cloak is always nearby.
Sometimes pooled around my feet.
Sometimes draped across my shoulders.
Sometimes tucking itself around my children’s laps.
Always there, hoping that I will forget what it really is. Hoping that I will fall into old patterns. Longing for me to once again see it as a warm security blanket.
But no. No more.
For now I see fear as it truly is: Not a security blanket, but a trap! A trap and a liar! A sneaky, conniving, deceiver who seeks to immobilize—to paralyze us from moving forward. From moving toward God’s calling and purpose. From embracing all that He offers. From embracing those around us who are trapped by their own cloaks.
No more!
No more, fear!
And while that pesky cloak may always be present, I pray it never again has such power over me. For the truth is, why would I ever turn to a blanket or cloak of fear when I am covered in lavish robes of righteousness
And one day I will look down and that cloak will be absent, and in its place will be the glorious light of true freedom!
Much love,
Jen
