The arrows were flying fast, and aimed right at my heart.
Arrows shot, not from a bow, but from lies—tailored made to hit at my insecurities and fears.
These arrows were launched from my own thoughts and from the lying voice of the deceiver:
You are not good enough.
How can you think you fit in with these people.
You messed up again!
How can you write about God’s truth when you blow it so much?
I wish I could say this was an experience from my past that I have triumphantly overcome. But that would be a lie. No, this scenario happens everyday. My inner dialogue is full of these thoughts, and more. As a people-pleasing perfectionistic introvert, condemning thoughts and insecurities are my constant nemesis.
They are my own Goliath.
At times it is so hard to quiet those thoughts, that they might as well be nine feet tall in a full suit of armor. However, my God is bigger and stronger than my thoughts. I must constantly remind myself of that truth.
I have been teaching a class of two year olds about King David. Last week, we were talking about God as our shield. As I was holding up a toy shield to illustrate how a shield would protect a person from an arrow, God opened my eyes to my need for Him to be my shield. I need Him to protect me from satan’s lies and from my own insecurities.
When my insecurities say, “You’re not good enough”; God my shield deflects that lie with the truth: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
When I hear in my head, “You messed up again. How can you possibly lead others?”, God my shield deflects that arrow with the truth: “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.”
An arrow of deceit claims that “You must please others”, but God my shield deflects that lie with the truth: “Just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts.”
I may not carry a big shield around all day, but I carry something even better: I carry God’s word in my heart. What more reason could I have to memorize and meditate on His word? I need to know it, so I can use it.
With arrows flying all around, what good would a shield be to a soldier if it was lying on the ground?
A shield is only useful if it is being held. I need to hold God’s word in my heart so that the enemy’s arrows won’t be able to strike there.
I know that my battle with my insecurities will last my lifetime, but I am so thankful that my God is bigger than my fears. The battle keeps me picking up my shield daily, and keeps me in God’s word. Some days, I feel as if I allow my shield to drop and I lose the battle, but praise God, He has already won the war!
So, today let’s pick up those shields and throw down those arrows.
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.” Psalm 28:7
Much love,
Jen
